Crowds Gather To Mourn The Political Death Of Irish Premier Leo Varadkar

Palpable mourning in the city of Dublin today.

Not since the death of Josef Stalin has there been a greater demonstration of public mourning than yesterday’s shock passing of Leo Varadkar's political career.

Sullen faces outside the Irish Administration’s offices yeaterday as Varadkar revealed his plans to head for the hills and let the others deal with it.

While the first ever gay Indian leader of Ireland is not actually physically dead, the effect is quite similar. Crowds of blue-haired tattoo-adorned youth have inundated Dublin city centre looking for some symbol onto which to project their anguish. There is nothing; However a thoughtful Dublin undertaker has provided a hearse containing a coffin with signage containing the poignant words: "WE WILL MISS YOU LEO". A counselling hotline has been deployed by The Grateful Taxpayers Of Ireland to deal with the mental health strain that has been suddenly placed upon the fragile shoulders of Irish youth who adored their leader.

"We love Leo so much- He has done so many great things for Ireland" said one young walrus whose name was unpronounceable. "Once upon a time only humans were allowed use public bathrooms. Now many other life forms can too. For the first time in my life the right to relieve myself on the floor of a public facility has been recognised. We as a nation of polymorphous beings have Leo to thank for that." Another commentator told us of zis gratitude for enabling zim to marry a dog. "Fluffy and I are so close. We have tried so hard to have children, but nothing seems to work. At least I know that even if fluffy can't provide an heir, that zshe feels safe and secure as my legal spouse. Thank you so much Leo."

Woke Ireland mourns the passing of the Leinster Lion

Hordes of youths followed the makeshift cortege of bicycles that had formed behind the hearse. Dancing policemen and women joined in to follow the long procession from O'Connell Street to the famous Glasnevin cemetery on Dublin's north side where legendary Irish political heroes such as Michael Collins and Daniel O'Connell are buried. Some questioned why the crowds weren't heading towards Kildare Street to meet and grieve with Varadkar himself. A being identifying as a cockroach suggested that Varadkar wasn't in the mood right now to meet his adoring public and suggested that they all stay north of the Liffey and away from the Dáil.

Who was Leo Varadkar?

Varadkar was born to cisgender parents Ashok and Miriam (née Howell) Varadkar in 1979. He started working on his accent early in life by attending a Protestant school in Palmerstown and eventually graduated with a First Class South County Dublin Accent in 2003 from Trinity College Dublin. Leo joined the European People’s Party, served a few politicians in the US House of Representatives and became a Young Global Leader of the WEF in 2018., the year following his succession to leadership of the Irish Administration which occurred on 14 June 2017. He was elected as Taoiseach (prime minister) in a 57–50 vote with 47 Fianna Fáil abstentions. Varadkar came into position on a wave of gay power following the wonderful referendum result in 2015 in which the Irish electorate were successfully wooed by the queer lobby which went from strength to strength, introducing gay sex instructions to very young school children, ably assisted by the Green Minister Roderic O’Gorman. He had his share of controversies whilst in office such as sharing privileged confidential information with a friend for the purpose of gain, flouting his own deadly lockdown rules, and “leaked” footage of him being gay in a gay Dublin nightclub. Varadkar’s cunning and skill have enabled him to avoid several near misses. He was even able to successfully get Irish people to abort themselves but alas his winning streak came to an end with the monumental trouncing the Irish Administration received in the 2024 Family and Care Referendum on March 8th (International Birth Person Day). 67.69% against changes to the constution regarding the Family and 73.9% against changes to the section dealing with carers.

Far-Right emboldened by the recent results

Though the Far Right have proven to be an elusive group in that no-one is able to say who exactly they are or what they stand for, one thing is for sure: The far right are real and dangerous to us all. Their groupees have been taunting the Administration for some time regarding their losses. It is hoped that the Irish Hate Speech legislation can be quickly implemented to put an end to their embarrassment.

This typical Far -right tweet shows contempt for the Irish Administration.

https://twitter.com/stpaddyofassisi/status/1770753543525285918

What’s next for the Leinster Lion?

Varadkar is so very popular, affable, capable, honourable and fascinating that it’s hard to imagine him having any problems picking up work after his years of hard work for the good people of Ireland. Perhaps the WEF or some other elite organisation will have something lined up, but we’ll watch with baited breath to see what adventures await him. One thing is for sure: We will all miss the dulcet tones of his guttery dry South County Dublin warble on radio and TV.

Bye Leo. We will miss you.

#sadfaceemoji