Don Just Can’t Help Winning
Even If He Tried
Do You Feel Lucky
“There hasn’t been a greater friend to Israel since Cyrus The Great.” says Uzi Nimrod- a bright young staffer at the Trump White House, sporting his MAGA cufflinks and tie. “This war against our mighty foe Iran is like the gift that keeps on giving- Day after day. It’s simply orgasmic: We knocked out their air defenses, ships and aircraft. We crushed their oil refineries and rocket launchers. It’s hard to know what else we can possibly do to them.” he smirks. “Obviously we’re still waiting for the great people of Iran to wake up and discover the freedom we so desperately wish to bestow upon them.” he says “but that’s OK. US taxpayers are happy to help us wait this one out like they’ve done these past 25 years with the previous 6 interventions. This is our magic number 7 moment and it’s thrilling to be alive to see it.”
The Smell Of Victory
The Donald didn’t suddenly appear out of nowhere to deliver Epic Fury. He travelled many a long hard road in developing the strategic genius we see before us today. Honing his business acumen required decades of grid and graft; His bravado personality and his ability to ram words together were developed in front of the TV cameras in such shows as The Apprentice. He developed his razor-sharp business instincts through real estate developments which include Trump Towers which stand in every corner of the planet, from the Philippines to India to Turkey to Uruguay. Like a dog marking his territory, Trump’s odour wafts across the globe. Speaking of smells, he has also ventured into the perfumery industry. His scent brands for people who like shiny things labelled “Victory 45 – 47” and “Fight Fight Fight” establish new standards in marketing nuance, subtlety and sophistication.
Rapid Expantsion
Trump added the Miss Universe Organisation to his arsenal in 1996- This included such titles as Miss Universe, Miss USA and Miss Teen USA- All of which provided a welcome distraction for the obsessive workaholic; An opportunity for small-talk with lovely ladies of widely varying age groups- which included the latest Melania model that eventually took his fancy. But eventually Trump grew tired of that organisation and sold it off to some other guys. After all, he had a presidency to win.
Sticks And Stones
Trump, despite all the forces ranged against him, remains defiant. He has weathered vast troves of business failures, and even got a witness to back off in a particularly nasty rape case in New York in 2016- (Which was to feature his long-time buddy Epstein who is sadly no longer with us.) If that’s not enough- detractors across the political spectrum continue to pound him like a punchbag.
As Chris Hedges put it in 2017: “Trump is the face of our collective idiocy. He is what lies behind the mask of our professed civility and rationality, a sputtering, narcissistic, bloodthirsty megalomaniac.”
Whoah. Hedges is one tough crowd.
Anyway.. Thankfully the Don has all the sensitivity of a brick- so the Free World has absolutely nothing to worry about.
The Interview That Should Never Have Made It To The Internet.
To find out more about what the Proles are saying Get Tales From The Lockdown here.
Great to see The Donald getting involved in three wars and counting, after the warp speed vaccine of 2020. Watch out Barack O' Bomber!