Empress Of Europe Graces Ireland’s Southern Shores.
"The EU Has No Greater Champions Than The Irish"
Ursula Visits Ireland’s Nether Regions
Cork City- Ireland’s Southernmost urban centre has long experienced a tumultuous history, marked by civilisational peaks and troughs through wars, famines and wave after wave of invasions. This past century, however, has seen a marked exception- where peace has reigned supreme. This is all thanks to the beneficence of the Masters of Europe; Corkonians are extremely conscious of how fortunate they are to live under such protection, and are at pains to show their appreciation- And what better time to do that, than during The Irish EU Presidency- which sprang to life in July 2026.
Ursula Under Attack
Von der Leyen has been accused of promoting war in Europe and cosying up to Israel whilst ignoring the plight of Palestinians. She has faced calls for her removal in the oing closed-door deals with Pfizer by WhatsApp
Cork City Council Has Been Busy
Councillors have spent years in anticipation of this Presidency, churning out a multitude of promotional ideas which include:
The Sustainable Citizen Compost Initiative, which affords Corkonians an opportunity to voluntarily terminate themselves in order to grow holly trees from their discarded corpses.
The Cork Citizen Knife Awareness Initiative which helps assault victims gain compassion and understanding for the many personal and societal challenges faced by knife attackers.
The Young Irish Men For Ukraine Initiative which teaches young Irish boys to hate Russia and helps them to refurbish and reuse old weaponry for close-quarters urban combat.
The Albert Bourla Memorial Park sponsored by Pfizer- Where Sustainable Citizen corpses are buried to spurn the growth of holly trees.
Cork City Architects have put forward plans for the building of a European Cathedral to the God Of Reason. Designs include giant statues of Maximillian Robespierre, Oliver Cromwell, Peter Sutherland, and Angela Merkel amongst others.
The Council has been vying for the “EUphoria Prize” which recognises efforts to supercharge EU Consolidation. Countess Ursula Von Der Lyin who recently visited the city was “almost frightened” by the rapturous fervour of the people towards herself and the EU. “I wasn’t expecting total police lockdown around University College Cork campus in my honour” she remarked “but they really pulled out all the stops to make me feel at home.” Her visit sparked protests outside the ring of steel, where students gathered to shout polite slogans against genocide in Gaza.
Not Everyone Approves
Dissenters have been voicing their opposition to CCC’s various initiatives. The Council values the support of the population who are reminded of our commitment exemplified by our motto: "WE ARE CORK”
Defeating Dissent
The business of Council is often not an easy one, and there can be significant hurdles to overcome. During the last City Council meeting of 13th July 2026 councillors debated criticisms of their deployment of “police stingers” to discourage traffic flow in the city environs. The devices which destroy car tyres are a “direct means of reducing carbon footmarks, while ingeniously providing much needed funds for essential services” said recently appointed HRH Lord Mayor Sir Damian Boylan.
“We’re delighted with the response we’ve had so far- Recycling at least four thousand vehicles in the last fortnight alone, we’ve raised nearly a million euro. These measures are all part of our “Global Response Aiming to Save the Planet” (GRASP) initiative.” However, Boylan says that there has been pushback from certain quarters. “There are those who will criticise our actions even when the benefits are crystal clear; But we’re confident that our Mass Incarceration For Dissenters (MIFD) Initiative will cool their jets. A few weeks of eating worm-gruel and performing backbreaking labour will help them see sense.” smiles Boylan.
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Tales From The Lockdown reveals the true inner thoughts of the Hard Right . Read carefully- If you can stomach it.
Tales From The Lockdown is a true personal account (heavily laced with satire) during a period of time where ordinary civilised people abandoned the familiar trappings of normality, logic and scientific rigour.
We begin our story in the South of Ireland in late 2019 when unusual events begin to unfold- Starting first as a trickle of activity, then a flow, and then a raging torrent. The book details the escapades of the author Séamus O’Laoi who tries to make sense of what’s happening; It details his modest but nonetheless important personal challenges to the authority of the Irish state during the interestingly exact 2 year period: March 2020 to March 2022.
This book is a record of what happened in Ireland during the period that Séamus mockingly refers to as the “The Dreadful Disease” when erstwhile invisible forces emerged and revealed themselves to the world, perhaps assuming that no-one would pay too much notice.
It is hoped that books such as this one can help provide the reader with an enhanced understanding of what happened to the world in March 2020.
Audiobook Excerpts From The Book @ talesfromthelockdown.com
also
Hardback, Softback, Audio and Kindle/ Epub are also available…
Free Sample Audio From The Book
Ursula’s Famous Text Messages.
It's a shame those Robot Trees weren't still around to greet the Empress. We can do better.
Sorry Cork had to suffer Ursula von der Leyen. Her name anagrams to:
- Er red unlovely anus