IRISHMAN DIES LAUGHING
A tragic death that could have been prevented.
Tragically this morning, the body of a man (Mr. "X") was found sprawled in front of the General Post Office in Cork City. His face bore an expression of rapturous laughter and thus he is believed to have died from heart failure caused by excessive laughter. The man was last seen in the early hours of the morning in the Hi-B bar in Oliver Plunkett St. where he had imbibed several whiskeys with friends before sauntering off towards home. His companions, who are still in shock at the news were questioned by An Garda Siochana (The friendly Free State Enforcement Group) who were told that the man had been in good spirits up to the time of departure and did not seem melancholy or troubled in any way.
Mr. X had told his companions that he had been in a coma for twelve years from which he had recently emerged. He took great interest to learn about societal developments that had taken place during the time he was under. However, as they were bringing him up to speed, he soon began to suspect that what he was hearing from his fellow drinkers was too incredible to be true. Despite their firm insistence that they were being sincere, Mr. X resorted to mocking them and insisting that they were "pulling [his] leg". He wasn't prepared to accept that a multitude of crises such as hyper-migratory pressures, hyper-racism, hyper-sexism, hyper-discrimination against never-heard-of-previously minority groups, a historically unprecedented planet-synchronised health crisis, plus a major war in Ukraine all happened to be coinciding by pure chance. "You’re codding me" the man was heard to say, "I might have been in a coma for the last twelve years but I didn't come down in the last shower."
Instead of reacting with anger to what he understood to be gaslighting, Mr. X countered with laughter and ridicule. One of the men had intended to tell their new companion about the soon-to-be-introduced Irish Hate Speech Law, but he later thought better of it and decided instead to hand him a newspaper clipping, urging him to read it later for entertainment purposes. However, the man now regrets having done so, as it is believed that this may have been the trigger for Mr. X's tragic demise. His body was found with that very page clutched in his fist.
Suicide crisis and support groups offered assistance to the grieving men. A representative of the National Office for Suicide Prevention (NOSP) provided some timely words of wisdom. "We are living at a time of great societal change" said head spokesthing Nosferatu O'Reilly, "where despite all the obvious improvements brought about by catering to the needs of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, the new-found government sponsored interest in Human Rights, Animal Rights and Carbon Rights, with enforced love for all humanity and the planet, and where peace, forgiveness and equality reign supreme, there are still individuals that haven't adjusted or are unable or unwilling to adjust to the bright new utopia in which we are living in today. Obviously more government entities and more funding are what’s needed. That's why we've established the new Love Enforcement Agency which reaches out to find those who may be falling behind, such as was the case of the unfortunate Mr. X."
Are you traumatised by this story? '
Find help by contacting NOSP, giving them all your details and then wait for their Task Force to arrive and provide you with all the assistance you could ever want.
End. Of. Story.
dead funny lol
I want to laugh because it was priceless; but nowadays ... well !???.