MORE BODIES FOR UKRAINE
Governments around the world need to act fast to save Europe.
Ukrainian soldier injured in the conflict, suffering from PTSD, confusion and eyestrain.
World leaders have been brainstorming to find the right way to communicate to their populations that more war is the answer to just about all our current geopolitical problems. "We are apprehensive but quietly confident that we can get electorates on board with our plans to send as many people as possible to the Eastern Front.
People are naturally slow to get involved, but with enough gentle persuasion we believe anything is possible. Sometimes all you have to do is ask.” said Klaus von Analwarze, spokesperson for the newly established United Nations World Love Peace & Kindness Ministry. "We are working tirelessly to help people understand that self-sacrifice is a wonderful demonstration of one’s generosity, and forced conscription is something we really want to avoid if at all possible. The pressure to act justly is one we take so very seriously. It keeps many of us awake at night, sometimes barely able to withstand the pressure, but we find comfort in knowing that the ends will more than justify the means.” says Analwarze with a smile that would melt an ice cream dipped in liquid nitrogen.
Find out how you can contribute to UNLPKM now at www.bombsforpeace.com
“Ukraine is currently suffering from a lack of bombs, bullets, grenades and rocket launchers. It’s catastophic. The Western leaders all say they want to help, but are hindered by democratic constraints. These need to be bypassed using emergency measures. Look at what we were able to achieve during the Great Pandemic of 2020. We literally convinced large swathes of the populations to take medical treatment whose effects nobody knew, and we still don’t really know yet. But it’s marvellous to think that so many people were brave enough to show blind faith and roll up their sleeves. Just extraordinary. They were even willing to get their children to take it, which surprised even us. That’s what you call dedication to society.”
UNLPKM is working on plans to make it cheaper for families to lose a loved one. Mobile furnace trucks are being deployed near the battlefields to instantly vaporise corpses, and label the urns with a barcode. So far they have an 85.2% success rate for delivering the correct ashes back to a grieving family. “It only costs $9.99 plus postage and carbon tax. It’s really cost effective and convenient.” says Analwarze.
Cost effective and environmentally conscious recycled urns made from chemical waste.
The big question on everybody’s lips is: When is this conflict going to end? No-one truly knows the answer to this question, but one thing is for sure- The war is a massive boost to certain sectors of our economies. And that can’t be a bad thing.
