The Extraordinary, Hidden Power Of Shit

Why weren't we told about this before?

It turns out that airplanes will some day be powered by human fudge.

But here’s our question: How is it that all the marvellous engineers and scientists throughout history that have worked on combustion and jet engines never mentioned this before? Think of all the resource wars the world could have avoided. It’s not as if anyone is going to invade another country to steal their shit, are they?….

What about the smell?

Will airplanes smell bad when they’re filled with crap? What about the exhaust fumes? These questions have not yet fully been addressed, but it is thought that passengers may need to wear industrial strength rose-infused masks, or opt for a complete oxygen breathing set. This will all provide new business opportunities and extra duty-free sales.

Quality variations

Could there be a difference in performance depending on the quality of turd being used? Perhaps grades of shit will be made available, such as: Premium Shit, Medium Shit, and Standard.

A hidden goldmine in our midst.

An entirely new income stream.

Who would have thought that your latrine could be a gold mine? In the future we will undoubtedly re-route our sewer systems to the power grid, and make money from the process.

What about fudge-powered cars, buses, trains and trucks?

“The sky is the limit.” according to a Professor of Excrement Studies at Harvard, who must remain anonymous due to his connections with DARPA the US military research unit. “Now that we can transform the most underrated substance on earth into a kind of gold, it reminds me of the days of the alchemists when lead was used the base material. Little did they know they were literally sitting on a goldmine.” he chuckles. “Many people aren’t familiar with the discovery of phosphorus which was the result of research with piss back in 1669 by Hennig Brandt the German alchemist who collected wizz from his neigbours, amassing quite an amount of the stuff. That’s where we get fire matches, and munitions to drop on civilians.

Airlines fly maiden “Faeces Flights”. “Nobody’s going to be worried about chemtrails any more once this starts.” says DARPA Professor.