🎉 🎁 Welcome to the tax system! 🍾 🎊
Finally addressing a long-standing omission
The following is a wording for a letter to be issued by each country’s revenue service to every person who is obliged to work within the tax system. Needless to say it does not concern our readers, though it will certainly be of interest.
Welcome to the tax system
Dear Citizen,
Allow myself and my colleagues to introduce ourselves. We are the Revenue Service of [Your State]- We are the ones who collect taxes from you (or will be collecting from you in the future.) We regret that it has taken until now to make this introduction. Up to now, the tax system has been lacking in one very important way- Our relationship with you has never been truly formalised, and we wish to address that shortcoming urgently.
To address the problem we have decided to introduce a contractual arrangement which involves a delightfully simple process: Sign and return by freepost our easy-to-use contract which is attached herewith. We're so excited to have you on board and we hope you are too. We've included three copies so that you can sign each one and return one copy to us as soon as possible. PLEASE USE BLUE INK IN BALLPOINT.
What if I have reservations?
We realise that you may have hesitation in signing any contract which formally binds you to a lifelong commitment, but please keep in mind that this procedure merely formalises an arrangement that has been in place already since the founding of [Insert State] If you have any queries please reach out to us and we will be more than happy to assist by phone, email, or social media. If you should require further assistance we have an outreach team that will visit your home or work premises to deal with you personally free of charge.
What happens if you don't sign the contract?
We would strongly urge you to sign, but we realise there will be those who for whatever reason cannot or will not do so. In these cases we will need to assign you to a holiday camp. Here you will meet others who have made similar life decisions. Here we will provide educational sessions to help you understand more about why we want to help you succeed in becoming a good Citizen.
Why introduce this system now?
Over the past number of years, we have noticed a growing interest in matters such as government, taxes, common law, contract law, constitutions, republics, the education system, the health system, the financial system, human rights, and the legal and court systems. We examined these trends and concluded that we need to be more transparent in our dealings with all of our Citizens; Furthermore we felt that by now populations at large will have grown to trust us and find common purpose; having seen first-hand how well our tax system benefits them; and therefore will be more than willing to formally accept it. We like to think we have the full cooperation of our Citizens, and this is the perfect way to express willingness to participate with us in a bright future for all humanity.
Please note that the service is administered by us on behalf of the Bank of International Settlements who handles all taxes internationally.
Want to learn more about taxes and where they came from? Click here for a fascinating read.