Euthanasia Party anyone?

New products from Globalist Gazette Finance

Dying couldn’t be easier

There are countless options:

• Professional hitman.

• Brake failure.

• Swimming pool accident.

or if the above are too dramatic you can always go to a little room where a medical team will gently put you to rest.

You won’t notice a thing

The Globalist Gazette Finance has a range of services available

• Cards.

• Gifts.

• Memorials.

• Urns.

• Scented candles made with your body fat.

• Rose-scented ash biscuits.

or…

Why not let family and friends dine on your flesh?

What better way to remember a loved one than to dine on a beautifully prepared [insert your name] burger or filet mignon de [insert your name]. Expert chefs can prepare your corpse within minutes and have it on guest plates within the hour.