SATAN PISSED AT BONO FOR STEALING HIS GIG

Dramatic events unfold at UN Building New York.

UN Plaza HQ Chapel, Manhattan New York.

A congregation at the chapel (or “meditation space”) in the UN Building New York emerged dazed following a ceremony that allegedly “went wrong”. The attendees included U2 singer Bono who was dishevelled and bore scorch-marks on his hands and face. Sulphurous smoke rose from his singed clothes. Efforts to speak with the aging rock star were rebuffed. Bono seemed to be in shock and uncharacteristically silent. One other attendee agreed to speak on the basis of anonymity. He described events inside the chapel as “Utterly terrifying. We were communicating with the underworld as we normally do during a New Full Moon, when Satan suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He was glowing red hot and appeared in a blinding flash of light. A booming voice said "There's only room for one of us in this Universe Bono. Don't ever step outside your appointed box by pretending to be me you little bitch. Do I make myself clear?" Bono was completely shitting himself and broke down whimpering. "Sorry boss" he replied and in an instant it was all over. We were so relieved."

Bono is a great team player, as Bill Gates will attest.

Another man who had emerged sporting a massive pair of antlers was fraught with terror and sat whimpering in a street corner near the UN Plaza. We approached him. "Shit, shit, shit" he kept repeating "Satan's pissed. He's pissed at Bono. And he's pissed at all of us for playing along with him." The man who is believed to be a Norwegian businessman and a high level Mason was unable to speak further. A private ambulance arrived at the scene and four large men dressed in black got out and hauled him away before speeding off.

The UN meditation chapel which contains the 6.5 Tonne Swedish steel altar just big enough to place a child or a baby goat (kid).

The Lucis Trust who runs the meditation chapel to the God Of Many Names was unavailable for comment. A later press release stated "We wish to reiterate that we do not speak on behalf of Satan but are merely big fans. We hope everyone involved got home safely."

The Lucis Trust was started by Alice Bailey, a 32nd degree Freemason.

Alice Bailey, founder of Lucifer Publishing, was a big fan of the UN.

It is not known whether there were any other casualties. On inspection the altar inside the chapel didn't seem to be any more bloodied than normal though the smell of sulphur was quite overpowering.

The world is still waiting for Bono to save her.

The UN has always been a big fan of combining their esoteric religions with established world religions. That’s why the church building at 777 UN Plaza is so important.

The UN plaza has another religious building situated right across the road.